Sick

I've been coughing so hard I;ve almost puked. My body hurts from the freaking effort. I hate being sick.

-R

Too much work...

Crunch....is....killing me.

-R

112 days left....

The Boreing Stuff

So this is what I accomplished today:

-Shopped and I cooked a giant meal for the rest of the week. This week it's a veggie/chicken soup. I got some sharp knives too.

-Dropped my bike off for a tune-up

-Got a proper desk for my workstation at home. Rearranged my room to accomedate.

-Cleaned most of the apartment (still more to do)

Rob Q. and Andrew showed up aswell as Mike G. They tae soup and we watched 2 Episodes of Battlestar Galactica. I have 4 great serials now that I want to watch on DVD/TV:

-Battlestar Galactica
-24
-The Sheild
-Farscape

I can wait...i don't need to see them every week. The good part about this is that I will always have something to watch.

The Good Stuff


So...I have consolidated some ideas I have about women...perhaps just people in general.

I am (sadly) attracted to women who are prone to aversion, I think it's because i do this myself (avert problems). This next month is supposed to be about recouping; dropping bad habbits and recovering some oldsk00l insight I've forgotten along the way.

Aversion is a funny thing. Those of us who avoid our problems are accually bound to go through much more pain, suffering and hardship avoiding our problems rather than just dealing with them head on.

One morning in 2001 I was showering and figured this all out. I had this picture of someone I know smashing her thumb with a hammer by accident. Healing can be a painful process. Sometimes you have to clean out the dirty wound and this can be too much. Perhaps she was so embarrased/afraid/disgusted or something with that process that instead of just toughing it out and letting it heal she picked up the hammer and smashed all the other fingers too. This way at least she didn't have to look at the contrast. Aswell, this is a familiar pain. You learn to cope and when it starts to dull, fester, or scab up you just grab that hammer again and 'smash'. You do this enough times and it becomes a vicious patturn of aversion.

Here is another analogy:

Cyclic Habbits of Aversion Cloud Our Perception.

Imagine there is a bucket of water that is very slowly filling to the top...and for some reason you don't want it to spill over. At first it's easy to just ignore the rising water, but when it gets too close to the top you might start to panick! You could bail the water out fast with a cup...or even poke holes in the bucket. Practically; the right choice is to solve the problem at the source and stop the water flow. This would be much less effort than poking holes in a bucket. Aversion clouds our judgement.

Self sabotage...we all do it sometimes.

I'll continue this blog entry tommorow.

Goals to reach for my Birthday

So, it's the time of the year where people make New Years' Resolutions. Last year was a great year for me. I met some of my huge goals:

-Moving to America
-Establishing some roots
-Building a new network of friends
-Buying a car
-Implimenting a budget and savings


I haven't seen too many of them work...but I do believe in goals, routines, leverage and compounding progress. I'm going to impliment these into my short term, mid term and long term plans starting now.

I have set goals before, and met them. This time I'm going to be more systematic about it, and treat it like a giant offensive. Each goal will tackle a particular root problem which once solved will arm me appropriatly to reach the next mark. I will attack each vice and hinderance and then use that potential energy to build and grow. Here's the detailed plan:

1.) Develop Resolve / Discipline / Recoup
Quit smoking. There can be no exceptions. No more smoking; forever. This will be followed by a complete change in diet. I have the research completed and have planned nutrient rich foods that can be easily prepared and won't bore me.

As for my mind I plan on taking up meditation once more. I will use this time to consider how I want to heal/figure my heart (no laughing) spirit...whatever you want to call those illogical parts that play such a huge role in my descions. So discipline of the mind will be to finnally uncover what is wrong with my heart. I don't know where this part will take me (more unpredictable than the physical health) but you can't permanently fix one without fixing the other. I have to do these two at the same time.


2.)Assess / Regroup / Build
Once I start to see noticable improvments with my physique, and perhaps some progress with my mental and emotional state (whatever that might be) I'm going to start targeting problems that I want to see fixed like my trouble with sleep, the aches in my neck and upper back, my weak shoulders and my absent mindedness/forgetfulness.

I will research or design my own programs to target and squash these problems as best as I am able. There will be progress milestones and tests (sounds crazy...but i know myself well)


3.) Grow
Once I see a sharp inclination with my physical, mental and spirituial health it will be time to do something with all of these new attributes. I am going to start some some physical training in some sort of sport. I want this to be something I can do alone and set goals for improvement for a long time (perhaps the rest of my life).

As for my mental, emotional and spiritual growth; I plan on learning melscript. This will be the begining of a new career for me. I think my overall goal for the spiritual and emotional side will be finidng a women to have a long and stable relationship.

My goal for all this is my 28th birthday on April 23rd 2006

I have 113 days. Today was day 1. I have cleaned my room and organized all of my belongings.

112 days left. In the next 2 days I have to have started my new diet, cleaned the rest of my apartment and started my new excersize plan.

-R